


19th of october

by lilyxxxooo



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, 2012, 2016, 2020, Angst, Anniversary, Cute, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Fluff, Happy, Love, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phandom - Freeform, Phanfiction, TATINOF, tatinof mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:20:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29132457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyxxxooo/pseuds/lilyxxxooo
Summary: summary: they fell in love in october, and 100 moregenre: fluffwarnings:
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	19th of october

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in october of 2020 and published on my tumblr (@dramaticlester) and i am now publishing it on ao3 on the 1st february 2021. the circle of life  
> i hope you enjoy!  
> (italic words are random song lyrics)

it’s 2009 and he fell in love with a whisper, a hand held out of a screen. sure, the whisper didn’t know him really, but he knew the whisper. it filled his headphones on lonely nights, gave him someone to talk to when things weren’t really fair. it gave him things to watch, things to connect with.

one day the whisper became a shout, a promise of friendship and safety. it became a screw holding him up despite the other things acting against him. it became a friend who he could actually talk to.

the whisper, which became a shout, became a name. commonly phil, occasionally bub (depending on the mood) phil was his anchor, keeping him to the ground when he wanted to run away. leave his home and his family and make something change. he told him that he’d be okay, to make videos and enjoy being a teenager. and he trusted him. he made videos and talked to his family in quiet hush, hoping to god his little brother would be okay. of course he would be though, he was strong.

phil became his person. they met and fell in love. a tackle on the floor of his bedroom or a kiss in an empty carriage on the manchester eye. no matter the gesture, or the implications it held, it was always just them.

_i wanna write you a song_

_one as beautiful as you are sweet_

phil was a muse that dan just took and took and took from. but in return, he gave trust and willingness. he fought his demons with a hand to hold. he gave unconditional love; something phil had never really known. they completed each other in their own brilliant ways. well and truly

_funny each time i fall in love_

_it’s always you_

it’s 2012 and they’re older now. not put together by a long way, but older. they are close, but reserved. dan let’s phil hold him and phil leans on dan’s shoulder to cry. it’s tense, but it’s held together by a bond. a bond nobody understands, a bond they took very much for granted.

the rebuild is slow and it takes time. but every 19th october is special. this year, it’s 3 years. it’s wonderful. they hold hands over a special dinner and they cry and phil makes love to him beside a roaring fire. it’s new, in a way, though they’ve been doing it for three years. phil treats him like he might break, and for once dan let’s him. he indulges in the softness. gentle scratches down phils back, soft whimpers and tears. _good tears_ , he promises, as phil wipes them away with a gentle caress against his cheek. it’s sealed with a kiss. _i will always be here._

_does it ever drive you crazy_

_just how fast the night changes_

it’s 2016 and things are mad. the year is spent touring and the 19th of october is spent on a stage. they share longing glances and loud laughs. they put so much more energy into that show because they have it stored up. excitement and happiness radiating from their bodies. anyone can see it. the audience, martyn and cornelia, the camera crew. it’s breathtaking

after the show, they go to their dressing room, strip out of their sweaty clothes and shower. they put sweatpants on, fluffy jumpers and jackets, two layers of socks and their shoes. they grab their bags and go to the tour bus. nobody questions as they make their way to the bed. they use it to lie down and cuddle, to reminisce and check out the fans reactions online. because they’re not quite ready to show the world everything, but they’re ready to share some of it.

_we fell in love in october_

_thats why i love fall_

it’s 2020 now. they’re two completely different people, yet exactly the same. dan keeps his hair curly, he goes running on a daily, he flaunts new lingerie to phil without covering his stomach or his thighs. he’s take charge more often, no longer using humour to hide his problems. he tells his fans more things, he shares his experiences and hopes to god he can help them, just like his little brother. phil has his hair in a quiff now; he can’t quite believe how much confidence comes from it. he lets himself believe when people look at him appreciatively, no longer shying away and insisting it’s not him they’re looking at. he radiates so much joy and positivity and he makes his subscribers endlessly happy when he posts a new video or stupid antedote. he likes to buy new candles and test them, shoving them under dan’s nose to get a good whiff. he talks about his health, no matter how embarrassing, to raise awareness to other people.

yeah. they’re different, but the same.

to each other, they’re still nerdy. they still bicker over stupid things, they still push each other to distract the other from mario kart. they still cook in the same vicinity, banging their hips together and singing along to britney spears and muse. but they still fall deeper in love with each other everyday, as well. when they wake up in the morning, it’s usually to elbows and knees in uncomfortable places. phil still can’t see and dan still has to reach over to put his glasses on for him. they still cuddle closer, prolonging their time in bed until they have to face the world. they still whisper words to each other, reluctant to break such a beautiful moment. yet, they know these moments will come many more times, as long as they can help it. home is in the arms of each other, to them. 11 years is a long time, but they reckon 11 more could never be enough.

_i’ll spend forever wondering if you knew_

i _was enchanted to meet you_

“try a 100 more,” dan whispers, lips curling into a soft smile as he kisses phils shoulder, rolling them over to them straddle his hips.

“as many as possible,” phil affirms, catching dans lips in his.

**_“If you live to be a 100, I want to live to be a 100 minus one day so I never have to live without you.” - winnie the pooh_ **


End file.
